Happy Birthday To Me

Well it looks like our favorite dwarf'll be in town on January 28th -- Golden State. Do me a favor, guys. Don't lose. In fact, could you please bitch-smack them into the Twilight Zone? Thanks, you guys're sweeties.

An aside into Cowboy-land, a place I don't venture often or willingly. But this is Dallas in the fall of the year. The Cowboys get mentioned in the news with the same frequency as God's name in the Bible. I don't like the 'Boys, I'm only mildly fond of football -- hey, you try getting excited about a sport when your allegience lies with the Detroit Lions -- and I only care about the whole shebang insofar as it takes attention away from my Mavs. As franchises to follow, give me the Mavericks. The tickets are affordable, win or lose live games are always fun, most of the players are men you might actually want your kids to idolize, and our potential Major Problem Child -- Jason Kidd -- has been behaving himself.

Not so for the Cowboys. Adam "Pacman" Jones was their big acquisition of the offseason -- an honest-to-God felon laboring under a season-long suspension and possible expulsion from the NFL if I read the release right. For the past few months everybody's been hearing about how he's reformed and oh by the way he's a superb ballplayer and we're getting him for pennies on the dollar or damn near.

Eeeent! Someone set us up the bomb, Jerry. Jones was arrested night before last, getting into a fight with his Cowboy-mandated bodyguards. And according to Randy Galloway at the Star-Telegram, Jones hasn't spent the past few months at home reading his New Testament, as the Cowboys PR department have painted him in not so many words. He's been out partying, and unlike yours truly he has the money to cause major damage to himself and others. Call to mind a scene from Lonesome Dove; Gus, a sucker for pretty girls, defends his caretaking of Lorena by saying the situation was an accident. Clara retorts with, "I notice you never have accidents around ugly girls." These things happen around Pacman, a lot. Accidents? Or a stupid, self-destructive man who's gotten cut a lot of slack because of what he can do with the oblong?

Well, it was a gamble. Now Jerry Jones is faced with a nasty decision -- can Pacman, proving there's depths to which even he won't sink where the team's concerned, or duck and cover and hope the NFL doesn't suspend him.

Put the season in jeopardy? I honestly think Hell will freeze first. I predicted slime, and slime we have. It's up to the NFL now. Dallas Cowboys, you are on the way to destruction.

Whoo! Detour through Cowboy-land leaves me feeling . . . unclean somehow. I'm sorry, Cowboys Crazies -- for me football will always be a confusing excuse to watch men crash into each other for two hours. If I want to get my homoerotica fix on, I've got fanfiction.
-BJ