Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Kicking Out The Mirror

Ever seen the second Conan movie? The one where Wilt Chamberlain rocks the leathers? If you haven't-- seriously, what kind of pop culture junkie are you anyway? Go rent them both immediately. Watch the first one because it's a good movie in spite of itself, and the second one so you'll get what I'm about to discuss.

About halfway through the movie, Conan is trapped in a room lined with mirrored panels and attacked by a scaly lizardman monster. The SLmM is invulnerable, stronger than he is, and has big claws and sharp cruel fangs. After finding out the invulnerable part, Conan accidentaly breaks one of the mirrors. A long ugly gash appears on the SLmM's chest and it howls in pain. If this were a comic, Conan would have a '!' in the balloon over his head as he shatters another mirror with his sword and the SLmM is injured again.

Since the hero can't get let off that easy -- and really, who could ever get enough of Basil Poledouris's score? -- the SLmM gets under Conan's guard, picks him up, and drapes him over the SLmM's back, with Conan dropping his sword in the process. Conan manages to wiggle into position, draws back his feet, and slams them into the nearest mirror. The SLmM shrieks and drops Conan, the music shifts into The Hero Is Kicking Epic Monster Ass mode, Conan picks up his sword and thus begins an extended montage of Conan slo-mo'ing his sword into mirrors intercut with shots of the SLmM howling in agony at each new wound. Since Conan is the Hero of this picture (and we all know what happens to the villian), he prevails and the story moves on.

Flash back, if you will, to last night. Almost four minutes gone in the third, the Mavericks are in the process of surrendering yet another lead after playing quite prettily in the first half, and . . .

In terms of What're The Odds, it's on a par with snow in Miami. Former Maverick Drew Gooden pushed Dirk in the back. No whistle. Surprised at the lack of call Dirk went up to contest Gooden's shot and got him on the arm. Whistle. Foul on #41.

Dirk: "Bill that's a two-hand push!!!"
Blind and Possibly Brain Damaged Ref: "Bam! Right there!" (throws the T)

I don't know what Dirk said next -- the Painted Fan section's not quite that good. Either the BaPBDR was having a bad night, or Dirk said something reeeeaaaalllly objectionable. Second T and the BaPBDR made the universal ref gesture of Get The Fuck Off My Floor! Led by a blazer and bracketed by cops, Dirk marched to the locker room.

Thus began the total erasure of the lead and the Clippers going up by four. Anyone else want to argue about how crucial Dirk is to the Mavericks?

And then came the kick. Jason Kidd, who turned 37 yesterday, threw a lob pass and Rodrigue Beaubois leapt. He's about six-three; how the hell did he clear the basket by three feet? Catch, bam. Commence screaming. The Mavs went on to win it by ten.

So that would be kicking out the mirror. Not the turning point -- that would've been the trade -- but the part where the turn becomes impossible to ignore and impossible to stop. Scaly Lizardman Monster's going down.

So, is this it? They proved it against Los Angeles, against the Magic, ad infinitum against teams that don't matter. There's the sword, and in a pinch we can manage without. All we need is the will.


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