Fatality

Jesus Christ.

I'm suddenly thankful I couldn't watch this one.

We all knew Team Germany was outclassed at this table. We all knew it was a worthy achievement for them to even make the Games, period.

But . . . oh, my God. It wasn't a cooldown, cats and kittens. Remember the original Mortal Kombat? The one where your best friend would inevitably kick your ass by playing Sub-Zero? Like that.

Short of a meltdown of supernova proportions or major injuries to Dwayne Wade (who by the way is beginning to scare me) and LeBron James and all three of the point guards -- a run-in with the Dallas Derby Devils perhaps? -- Team USA's solid. When they recap the gold/silver game for the closing ceremonies, I think the theme from The Untouchables is a good choice for background music.
-BJ

Pau Gasol = Weenie

Have you guys seen the picture Team Spain took for an ad in a Spanish newspaper? The one where they're holding their eyelids in a slant?

Okay, how is that not racist, how could the Spanish Olympic Committe/Team Spain/the sponsors/Marca the newspaper/any of the players be that fucking stupid, and why hasn't FIBA or the NBA publicly condemned Team Spain?

(Pau Gasol's defense is he was pressured into taking the picture. Hence the title of today's post.)

Think I'm being oversensitive? Let me put it this way; imagine if Team USA pulled something like that (a dance mime to Smack My Bitch Up, perhaps). My imaginings include a torch waving mob, suspensions from playing in the regular season, massive fines, and a lot of extra time spent with NBA Cares. Political correctness gets taken to absurd, logic-bending lengths -- but is it really such an evil idea to think before you do something and consider whether or not it'll make you look like a bigoted asshole?

I'm with Basketbawful. It's a little weird to get news of low-class racist fuckery and realize it doesn't involve Americans.
-BJ

With Love, From China

- Team USA is on a steamroller course so far, handing China and Angola their butts on a plate. With a side of cheese fries. Thanks to lack of cable, I'm not getting to see very much. Wah.

- Germany's doing okay, one-and-one so far. Oh well, nobody really expected them to medal, though it would be nice if they could make it out of the prelims.

- Jason Kidd . . . I'm not really sure what to make of him. The stat line I saw for the first game had him at 0 points and 0 assists, and I don't think that's accurate. I saw some truly delicious half-court passes in the second quarter, but no thanks to crappy reception I don't know if he was the passer or not.

- The next game I'm going to get to see is USA v. Spain on Sunday. USA v. Germany's only on the USA network. I have to remind myself that Spain's the defending world champion and it's not really fair to whine, "But I have to watch Pau Gasol when I could be watching Dirk?!?" 'Weenie Man Away!' as opposed to '1000% Man Beast'?

Save it for the medal round, Beej.

- One thing I really like is that the players on Team USA are being encouraged to mix with the other athletes. Kobe Bryant was Beatlemaniac-calibur mobbed when he went to one of the women's games, and some of the others have been seen at the swim meets and suchlike. No harm in knowing that you're good, but arrogance is like salt -- too much and you ruin the food and have heart troubles.

- Speaking of -- I'll keep it brief -- Michael Phelps ought to spend a few days in a tank getting filmed and scanned into a motion-capture program. If there are really merpeople in the deep sea, they move like that. Seriously, he swims like a seal.

- I'm not really a gymnastics fan, but I should start paying attention to the men's competitions. How the fuck did he do that? Honest to God, I was looking for the wires and the bluesceen. Nobody outside of a special-effects shop should be able to fly like that.

- Meanwhile, MavsLand is quiet. 4AM at the Thrifty Acres quiet. Is the offseason over yet?!?
-BJ

It's Tomorrow's Bedtime There . . . I Think

- They're here! They're here! Four years of sport flirting, foreplay, and heavy petting has led up to this -- the Olympics. Meant to be a celebration of brotherhood through competition, these days they're more like a sort of organic billboard for whoever's got The Cash. Whatever; my favorite player's there, Team USA looks ready to paddle tushies, and the VCR had damn well better work.

- It's official, yo. The 2008-2009 schedule for our Dallas Mavericks was announced day before yesterday. Opener -- which begs the question who came up with these matchups -- is against the Rockets on October 30. I am so there. Mr. Ming, I respect you, but your ass is going down.

- Our draft pick, Shan Foster, signed a contract to play for a year in Europe. I'll admit I'm a little disappointed we're not going to see him in action right away, but all things considered it seems a smart move. The Mavs still have his NBA rights, and if he distinguishes himself he's got a decent shot at making the team sometime in the next couple years.

- And because I can't go more than a day without an update on my guy, Dirk's been selected as Germany's flagbearer for the Olympic opening ceremony. For that? Joyous. For the haircut? Not so much. That does it; no one's allowed near Dirk with clippers, ever. Gentlemen, the Roman skullcap doesn't look good on anybody.

I'm doing this from memory, so bear with me. This is from Magic Memories on Ice, two-time Olympic gold medalist (men's singles) Dick Button:

"The Olympics are sometimes critizied for being overblown in proportion to an athlete's overall career. And that may be. But the test of the Olympics is for man's ability to call upon himself for the best he has, at the time he has to have it."
-BJ

Like I Needed Another Reason To Stress!

With our team captains in Beijing and the Organization ominously quiet on the talent-acquisition front, one would think the average MFFL has enough to worry about, right?

Basketball Gods must not think so:

Josh Howard arrested for street racing in North Carolina.

I requested permission to PANIC! and didn't get it. So I'm not. Panicking.

But my God, man, if you're on thin ice it's not a good idea to take up tapdancing. "You idiot!" about covers it. "Where are your brains, in your ass?" would do as well.

Mr. Howard, in the win-the-lottery chance you'll ever read this blog, I have something to say.

First of all, I'm not mad that you like driving fast. I like to drive fast. I'd love a chance to take my friend's Miata out for a stroll against whatever sportster his bosses have him driving that week. On a track. With an emergency team nearby. And no necks at risk other than my friend's and my own.

Secondly, I'll assume that you've stayed clean for this offseason since a drug test is SOP for this situation. Good for you.

The issue isn't the moral problems of drug use and public endangerment (although those are thorny enough). That's for the law to sort out. From a Mavs fan perspecive, the issue is you're acting like boy half your age when your credibility is at low tide. And if we can't trust you to obey the law, how are we supposed to trust you'll deliver the best you have when the team has to have it? I'm sorry, but you're performance hasn't been consistant enough to make that an irrelevent concern.

Spend time at home with the folks. Talk to your preacher. Tour the Carribean. Take a trip to Disneyworld if that's what it takes. But please, for the love of God, get your shit together. You're not fourteen any more. Behave like it.
-BJ