Thursday, November 13, 2008

Murphy's Laws, As Applied To Basketball

Because I'm bored and because I'm fighting nasty feelings of impending doom:

Murphy's Laws, As Applied To Basketball
- There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
- The shortest distance between two points is double-teamed.
- Easy baskets aren't.
- 'Circus pass' is another word for 'instant turnover.'
- The stars incline; they do not determine. See 2008 Finals.
- Anything you do can get you whistled, including nothing.
- When all else fails -- hack, flop, or throw up a three.
- The refs only pay attention when you screw up.
- A good analyst can prove anything. And a busy forum will overreact to it.
- If you have a personality conflict with any of the following -- Coach, GM, owner, team captain -- they have the personality, you have the conflict.
- Anything over seven-three or on a downward arc has the right of way.
- A groin pull is Nature's way of mocking you for not warming up properly.
- There is no such thing as a perfect game plan, offensive system, or defensive scheme.
- When in doubt, take it to the hole.
- If you can keep your wits about you while all around you are losing theirs you're not on ESPN.
- If it's stupid but it works, it's not stupid.
- Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
- If a trap is properly set your guy will not walk into it.
- If your team is playing really well it will crash and burn in the last two minutes.
- Ref didn't see it, you didn't do it.
- The crucial pass will be intercepted, the clutch three will not drop, and the tiebreaking free-throw will be the only one you miss.
- Every play call that can be misunderstood will be.
- Success occurs when no one's watching; failure occurs on the ABC network.
- There is no limit to how bad things can get.
- You're not worth watching until you get roasted on Basketbawful.

Anything I missed? Any spin left unspun? Let me know!

1 comment:

Jared said...

When in Rome, your NBA career is probably over.

What goes up, is often a relatively small man who will make your team's center look like an inert fool.

Two in the hand is unsportsmanlike defense.

If you can't stand the Heat, you're in good company.

Inspirational stuff, very nice work!