Game 15, Dallas Mavericks visit Los Angeles Lakers

Theme: Metallica, "Motorbreath"
Game Info: Don't stop for nothing

I wasn't expecting a win, until we were up at the half. Ah Basketball Gods, thou continues to use the Lakers to break spirits and shatter hearts.

You bastards.

- Encouraging. We were doing okay even when the bad guys were pigpiling on Dirk and he wasn't getting shots.

- Less so; Pau Gasol's quit playing like he's my cousin on her No Touchee days. Shit.

- Playing at the two in the second quarter, JJ got some shots he should have framed. The really nifty one was a shot I hope some ambitious physics/calculus teacher uses as a Real Life Example; it went almost straight up and straight down through the hoop. Smile.

- Maybe I'm being hypercritical. Maybe there was some other reason Coach went with Devean George in the second half when it came to fucking Kobe's shit up. And to be fair, George hit a couple of nice threes. But . . . goddamn it, Wright was hanging on.

- I can't help but wonder if the game would've swung the other way had J-Ho been available. But he wasn't.

- Who the fuck is Trevor Ariza?

- Did the refs forget to breathe in the second half? Seriously, no fouls? But that's not a tanget I want to go on, really. It's tempting to blame the refs when the game doesn't go the way you want; it's lazy thinking and (usually) not true.

- That said, our Rick is usually an even-tempered fellow, not at all into the courtside theatrics that made me mutter, "Simmer down Coach," half a dozen times last year. When Rick Carlisle gets slapped with a T, something's up. I don't want to, but I need to take a closer look at that one. He's too smart to give the bad guys free points.

- What's with the cutting the lights? Isn't that pushing it just a little bit? What next, a cheering section that fires blanks into the air? There are limits, dammit.

- Give the Mavs credit; the colors weren't struck until the situation became totally unsalvageable. Kidd and Terry tried their damndest to keep it alive with some clutch threes, but aforementioned Who The Fuck answered right back.

In The Wash: I'm with Coach on not being into moral victories. View the vids and say okay what did we learn from this. This was a winnable game, period-end-of-sentence.

And there's something else. With the way the Lakers have been playing, it's a given that they're going to the playoffs. Which means that in order to get out of the West alive and have a shot at the title the Mavs have got to come up with a way to answer them. As beautifully serindipidous as it would be, I just don't believe we're going to get so lucky as to watch the Lakers suffer a first-round collapse.

Final: 114-107, (sob) Lakers

Postscript:
Dear NBA,
We are all in Deep Shit.
Love,
-BJ

Game 7, Dallas Mavericks host Los Angeles Lakers

Theme: Metallica's cover, "Crash Course In Brain Surgery"
Game Info: Uz da interwebs

I was not looking forward to this game. In amongst paying $43 dollars for seats that should've cost ten bucks together, an usher being rude when I asked if there were seats available in the handicap section (my mom was with me and she has problems with stairs), and the Lakers rolling into town undefeated and surrounded by their usual radiant aura of bullshit . . . I was expecting a public flogging.

Well, we lost. But we didn't just roll over and fucking die. And yes, that does count for something.

- Triple Double 101!!!

- I stand by my opinion of Gerald Green as sixth man. He's by far too valuable to bury. His turnover rate and judgement under fire need work, so not a go-to starter . . . yet.

- As usual, the Morning News is trouncing all over Dirk for a fairly smelly showing last night. Honestly, why does the man get cut no slack?!? He got shut down, plain and simple.

- Dampier double-double. There's something faintly filthy about that concept . . . but I'll take it.

- I was prepared to love 'Gana Diop to death . . . dude, tossing bricks disguised as free throws is not a loving thing to do to me.

- Seventeen points? Okay Stack, I take back half the bad things I said about you last week.

- Four-String had an off night. Dangerously close to a one-trillion (play at least one minute and put up no stats whatsoever).

- Just for the record, Pau Gasol is a seven-foot marshmallow, Andrew Bynum is not the Second Coming, and Kobe Bryant won his rings by being Shaq's ball boy. Whether or not all that will hold true this year remains to be seen. You kind of have to, y'know, win a Finals series before you can be champion. Basketball fans everywhere -- casual, passionate, and outright fucking insane alike -- Calm. The Hell. Down.

In The Wash: All things considered, I'm not as upset over this as I was over the Cavs game. The Lakers won by shutting down The Man. It's how they've been winning. The rest of the team hung tough until the very end. This tells me that they're working on a viable Plan B to win games even when Dirk isn't producing, and that's a good thing.

But losing sucks. Losing to the Lakers sucks black holes.

Oh well, according to my handy-dandy pocket schedule, this is LAs only trip to Dallas this year. The Faker-fans can crawl back under their rocks now. Mama don't let your babies grow up to be Lakers fans.

Final: 106-99, Lakers
-BJ

The Regular Season, or Now We Start Playing For Keepsies

It's here! It's here! Thank you Jesus and St. Jude, it's here! The NBA Regular Season. All aboard, hit the road, all aboard, here we go . . .

The Bulls v. Bucks game, not really interested (though the score's a bit of a shock). Lakers v. Portland . . . what was that about the 'Blazers being contenders this year? Admittedly, this was against the LAL Traveling FunFair and Whoopass Parlour. Greg Oden out with an injury? What a shock.

Celtics v. Cavs . . . that I wish I could've seen. From the stats, it looks like it was a nifty game. The recap shows a Mo Williams assist to The Flying LeBron that's gotta make ya smile. Damn my lack of cable. Poverty's a bitch, guys.

Closer to home, it's been confirmed that Dallas will be hosting the All-Star Events next year. Background; the American Airlines Center doesn't have the seating capacity for all the spectators the All-Star stuff brings in, unless the Org bumps out season ticket holders and Mr. Cuban's not willing to do that. I don't know whose idea it was, but it's genius; hold the All-Star game at the new Cowboys Stadium that's being built in Arlington. Seating capacity is right around 50,000, more than double that of the AAC. Room for everybody! Definetely on my gotta-see list.

So 2008-2009 gets under way. The storylines blow wide open tonight, with most of the rest of the league having their openers. In roughly thirty hours, the Rockets draw nigh. I. Can't. Wait.
-BJ

2008 NBA Champions, the Boston Celtics

Wow.

Amazing happened.

Both coasts are waking up with headaches this morning, for very different reasons. 131-92. That wasn't a game; it was a gang-rape.

God it was fun!

- Paul Pierce is The Truth, and anyone who denies it should have their head examined.

- Leave Kobe out of it for a minute -- we'll get to him shortly. The Lakers should be absolutely disgusted by their defense last night. I saw at least two clear opportunities for defensive heroics and the Lakers totally whiffed them both. I'll leave it to wiser eyes to determine exactly when in the game the Lakers struck their colors. That last quarter looked like a bad dream.

- If Dirk is soft, what does that make Pau Gasol? Dairy Queen kiddie cone? A doggie bag from El Bulli? Those supercomfy mattresses NASA uses on the space shuttles? I'm going with the El Bulli thing, myself -- Chef Adri's known as the Foam Guy in certain circles.

- Inconsistancy, thy name is Odom.

- Rajon Rondo. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. He nicked better than a midway pickpocket. I'm thinking about buying the game video from NBA.com just to watch those steals.

- Ray Allen's shot wasn't dead, it was just resting.

- Dallas isn't going to live down either the Finals Disaster or the Golden State series until we're hoisting our own banner next year. But as Pride Salve goes, this isn't bad. Western Conference Champions, helmed by the MVP and the best player on the planet -- as the announcers reminded us every ten minutes -- and they got their butts kicked so hard they're going to be walking funny until Christmas 2013.

- Now we get to Kobe. I want you to bear in mind the public flogging Dirk's manfully endured the last couple years. #24's stats for last night's game; 7-22 shooting, 3 rebounds, 1 assist, 4 turnovers. When does the crucifixion commence?

- ESPNs obsession with sound bites is beginning to annoy me. Little reporter trying to get quotes out of Kevin Garnett by asking him cliche questions when he's the most blissed-out basket case in the solar system. The happy tears moment was beautiful on its own. Let the man be.

- The Lakers will be back. And so will the Celtics. And so will the Spurs/Hornets/Pistons/Jazz/Nuggets et al.

And so will the Mavericks.

- MasterCard Moment.
Cooler with Tap: $70
Eight gallons Gatorade: $15
Summerweight Suit: $5000

Winning It All: Motherfucking Priceless



No, funny would be if Coach Rivers sends The Truth his dry-cleaning bill.

Congratulations, Boston Celtics! Somebody FedEx everyone in Boston Irish breakfasts and a shitload of aspirin. Those have got to be the happiest hangovers on earth.
-BJ

My Humble Opinions, June 16

Well it wasn't pretty. I stand by my Cloudy Crystal Ball and say it's the Celtics in six. Tuesday night, and we're in the off-season.

Gonna be a looooong few months.

It isn't really a developing story, because Tim Donaghy's statements are farts in the wind. What he's saying isn't confirmable. Any trial attorney will tell you testimony's crap without a second independent witness or some other form of corraberation. All he's doing is trying to get his sentence reduced, and the world would be well-advised to keep that in mind.

On the other hand, the ref-ing in basketball is . . . confusing to the uninitiated. In researching the whys and wherefores of the sport I'm dreading the part on fouls. Is the officiating 100% fair and impartial? Of course not. The refs are human, they have favorites and hates, double-standards, moments of inattention, judgement lapses. That's human error and an issue in any contest.

The accusation is that the NBA is instructing their officials to favor one team over the other in their calls. Why? Well look at the press the Finals is getting. Historic rematch and all that. They even got Their Holinesses Magic Johnson and Larry Bird to pose for one of those There Can Only Be One spots. Larger audiences, greater glory, more money . . . the motivation is there.

Not trusting the sport itself to produce a riveting spectacle, a governing body directs its officials to create artificial results irregardless of who actually wins.

Sound familiar?

I understand why the blowhards don't consider figure skating a sport. It's not because of the idea that it's not as physically demanding as "real" sports (hey, you try dancing on ice skates while hauling around ninety-five pounds of partner), or because of the artistic elements involved, or even because the athletes wear sequins. It's the corruption in the scoring. Winning in figure skating can and does have almost nothing to do with how well someone skates on that particular night. The best example I have is (of course) the 1994 ice dance competition. Gritchuk and Platov did not earn that gold medal. Their program was inferior to the other medalists', wasn't skated as well, and involved clear and obvious rule violations for which they were not penalized. The ISU didn't want to reward the team that moved ice dance's artistic focus in a more theatrical direction (Torvill and Dean), and didn't want to reward the team who had run in that direction successfully (Usova and Zhulin). They weren't particularly subtle about it, either.

I'm not saying that's what the NBA is doing. But public perception can easily swing that way because the system of fouls and penalties is hard to understand if you don't know what you're looking at. I hope Mr. Stern and the rest of the league's leadership nip this in the bud toot-sweet. A reputation for corruption and unfairness killed figure skating in the US, and don't think for a minute the NBA is too big and powerful to fall down the same cliff.
-BJ

Finals Stuff and Compare/Contrast

The Fifty Million Pound Challenge commercials; thank you Lord, I can now detest Kobe Bryant with a clear conscience.

Everybody's saying it. I'll add my voice to the chorus. That's how you get it done. No panicking, even though they had plenty of reasons. No surrender, no quarter, no fucking around. The Celtics just played like, "This game is ours, and I don't care what shit I have to put up with or how hard I have to work in the meantime." Make the plan, execute the plan, and don't fucking give up.

I'm hoping this series goes the full seven, because the games are pretty damn cool. Consulting the Cloudy Crystal Ball . . . eenie meanie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak . . .

I think the odds are about fifty-fifty the Lakers'll rally for their last home stand, and the Finals'll finish back in Boston. Celtics in six. They can taste the defeat of the Lakers -- it's delicious!

Not that I ever miss an opportunity to reflect on the needs-a-suntan awesomeness that is Nowitzki, but David Moore at the Morning News brings up an obvious point regarding MVPs '07 and '08. If Dirk had put up the kind of numbers Kobe did in Finals G4, people would be baying for blood. By contrast, Kobe is not the object of passionate disgust in LA right now. Nobody's calling him soft, weak, or (in more correct language) saying he throws like a girl.

Why? Simple. Kobe Bryant has the reputation of a bone-deep badass. Dirk does not. Kobe's playing makes for better video, his on-camera presence is better, his fame off-court is greater (albeit for the wrong reasons), and I'll have to check on this but I don't think Kobe's rookie season was one of epic yuck and Dirk's rookie season was. The Mavericks have never won a championship and the Lakers have.

The short hairs of the situation are Dirk's not going to get the respect he deserves until his team wins it all. Until then, people are not going to believe he's any such of a much. They don't want to. Sports fandom likes bad boys and rewards them. Stupid, but fact of life.
-BJ